Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dreams, visitations and friends...

I know I don't blog near as much as I should and usually only when I have something worth sharing.

Anywho.... This morning, I had a rather vivid, 'different', dream about a former teacher who passed away a few years after I graduated; a 'visitation' is more like it. Ms. Dottie Rose. She was always a very special teacher to me. The coolest of them all. She was very 'hip' to teen angst and often found mine amusing.

In this dream, I believe that she saved my life... in real life... this morning. Anywho... I thought I would relate the dream and share it with you. It was really devoid of much detail and rather short for that matter too. I don't know how much time actually passed, but if I had to guess, I'd say several minutes.

In this dream, I was a ‘special needs’ child of about 14-15 and wheelchair bound. Ms. Rose was running a sort of orphanage. There were two new children, a girl of about 11-12 and her little brother who was about 7-8. Ms. Rose was telling them about me, what was wrong with me, how to recognize when something was wrong with me and what to do about it, and orienting them on my pet companion, who happened to be a white wolf, and how and when to approach him.

Of the things wrong with me, the breathing problem was the one she was orienting the children on. I had severe asthma or some other breathing disorder where I would literally stop breathing or be struggling to breathe. Ms. Rose didn’t want the children to be alarmed or freaked out if this should occur while I was around them.

Later that night, I was in bed asleep when I was awakened due to the fact that I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move too much, but managed to roll over and grab the phone next to me, dialing 911. I was rasping to the operator that I couldn’t breathe. She simply kept asking questions. I could hear Ms. Rose getting ready to take a shower. Several moments passed, seemed an eternity. My lungs were beginning to hurt, I was crying and gasping and struggling to maintain consciousness. I dropped the phone as I was drifting off and I could hear, albeit muffled, my wolf was scratching and whining, then Ms. Rose, right there next to me. She was crying and shaking me and kept saying, ‘No! Oh gods, no! Wake up! Don’t you leave me! Wake up!’

Then I woke up… and not just in the dream. When I woke, I gasped a deep breath and rolled over, sitting up, and instantly realizing that Dottie Rose had just saved me from beyond the grave.

Thank you, Dottie! :)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Things that make ya go, "Hmmmmm...."

Hmmm... I'm beginning to think Dave Mustaine and his writing team were psychic. Things that make ya go "Hmmmmmm...." Am going to have to find his number again and ask him about this.

I know this isn't the kind of music that some of you listen to, but it's not really the MUSIC I'm wanting ppl to listen to, but the message of the songs and the imagery that accompanies it. Leave me your thoughts. The first video: "Peace Sells... But Who's Buying" 1986, The Second Video:"Symphony of Destruction" 1992, and last but certainly not least by any stretch of the imagination, "Foreclosure of a Dream" 1992.

Now, I"m not trying to start a controversy, or be Anti-American in any shape, way, form, or fashion. From the mid 80s thru the mid 90s, this was just music to me. But now, with the state of affairs of our country, seeing these as an adult now, I'm sitting here in awe and shock! Did these guys see this coming or did they see this coming? Truly, things that make ya go "Hmmmm...".




Thursday, March 26, 2009

The first day...

Well, I have been encouraged to start this blog by my mother, who has also started one. So, I guess an introduction is in order.

I am Jennaphir, but go by Jenna, and yes... I did change it from Jennifer. I'm one who likes unique names, but not ones that are TOTALLY out there and leave you saying, "HUH!?"

I'm 36 and have been married and divorced twice, a single mom of two beautiful and intelligent daughters... and I'm not just saying that cuz I'm their mother. ;) My oldest is Eleni and she'll be 15 in July (WOW!! I suddenly feel old) and my youngest, Tawney, will be 11 in April. I have one child by each of my past husbands. Currently, I'm not dating anyone, nor have I for 10 years (I left my second husband when I was 7 months pregnant, for those doing the math)

At present, I just live life day to day for tomorrow is never guaranteed, especially in my case. I'm afflicted with a lovely "disease" (as my doctor calls it) known as Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT). I was diagnosed with this on May 9, 2008. They found a two inch clot in the back of my right thigh. Needless to say, I spent several days in the hospital and was on MASSIVE amounts of blood thinner to disolve the clot. Since then, I've lived with almost constant pain and swelling in my legs. Some days are better than others, but at least I'm still living and have one more day with the ones I love.

Another affliction is a spinal condition known as Subluxation Degeneration, which also adds to my daily dose of perpetual pain. Now, I've heard the arguments about how there's NO WAY you can have a subluxed spine because it's not a joint, but I beg to differ. A joint is when two or more bones meet at any given point that allows for flexibility and movement. GRANTED.. the term SUBLUXATION generally refers to a condition where two or more bones have been seperated from where they should be, but in a sense... I can see why they call it what they do. In essence, the spine straights (thus not being exactly where it should be) and calcifies around the bones and pads... essentially fusing together. There are 4 stages of this condition. My neck is well into the third stage, my thorax is in stage 1 and my lumbar is in stage 2. The good news is, the condition CAN be reversed over a period of about 7 years of constant therapy. The bad news is, it requires going to a chiropractor and physical therapist. Having lost my job last year (due to the DVT) and subsequently my insurance, I've had to stop going to treatment, and MAN DO I FEEL IT!!

So, my quandry has been whether or not I should apply for disability. Well.. I DO qualify as far as medical conditions go... but... in a sense, I'm scared to apply for it because I AM only 36 and ADMITTING that I'm disabled is a hard thing to do. I still want to get out there and do things, but I struggle to do so. By the same token, I realize that I'm not left with much of a choice at this point in the game. I've got to do what I've got to do to take care of myself and my kids.

So, the moral here is to live everyday as if it were your last. To love completely and totally; unconditionally. And don't forget to tell the ones in your life that you cherish just how much you do. I'm very thankful to my mother for all the help and support she provides me. I hope to one day be able to repay her for being there for me... and for being one of my very best friends. Thank you, Mom! I love you!