Thursday, March 26, 2009

The first day...

Well, I have been encouraged to start this blog by my mother, who has also started one. So, I guess an introduction is in order.

I am Jennaphir, but go by Jenna, and yes... I did change it from Jennifer. I'm one who likes unique names, but not ones that are TOTALLY out there and leave you saying, "HUH!?"

I'm 36 and have been married and divorced twice, a single mom of two beautiful and intelligent daughters... and I'm not just saying that cuz I'm their mother. ;) My oldest is Eleni and she'll be 15 in July (WOW!! I suddenly feel old) and my youngest, Tawney, will be 11 in April. I have one child by each of my past husbands. Currently, I'm not dating anyone, nor have I for 10 years (I left my second husband when I was 7 months pregnant, for those doing the math)

At present, I just live life day to day for tomorrow is never guaranteed, especially in my case. I'm afflicted with a lovely "disease" (as my doctor calls it) known as Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT). I was diagnosed with this on May 9, 2008. They found a two inch clot in the back of my right thigh. Needless to say, I spent several days in the hospital and was on MASSIVE amounts of blood thinner to disolve the clot. Since then, I've lived with almost constant pain and swelling in my legs. Some days are better than others, but at least I'm still living and have one more day with the ones I love.

Another affliction is a spinal condition known as Subluxation Degeneration, which also adds to my daily dose of perpetual pain. Now, I've heard the arguments about how there's NO WAY you can have a subluxed spine because it's not a joint, but I beg to differ. A joint is when two or more bones meet at any given point that allows for flexibility and movement. GRANTED.. the term SUBLUXATION generally refers to a condition where two or more bones have been seperated from where they should be, but in a sense... I can see why they call it what they do. In essence, the spine straights (thus not being exactly where it should be) and calcifies around the bones and pads... essentially fusing together. There are 4 stages of this condition. My neck is well into the third stage, my thorax is in stage 1 and my lumbar is in stage 2. The good news is, the condition CAN be reversed over a period of about 7 years of constant therapy. The bad news is, it requires going to a chiropractor and physical therapist. Having lost my job last year (due to the DVT) and subsequently my insurance, I've had to stop going to treatment, and MAN DO I FEEL IT!!

So, my quandry has been whether or not I should apply for disability. Well.. I DO qualify as far as medical conditions go... but... in a sense, I'm scared to apply for it because I AM only 36 and ADMITTING that I'm disabled is a hard thing to do. I still want to get out there and do things, but I struggle to do so. By the same token, I realize that I'm not left with much of a choice at this point in the game. I've got to do what I've got to do to take care of myself and my kids.

So, the moral here is to live everyday as if it were your last. To love completely and totally; unconditionally. And don't forget to tell the ones in your life that you cherish just how much you do. I'm very thankful to my mother for all the help and support she provides me. I hope to one day be able to repay her for being there for me... and for being one of my very best friends. Thank you, Mom! I love you!